Some people are destined to fall in love, but not stay together. Perhaps this is your case. No matter whether your loved one has decided to take their heart back or whether you decided to take your own from them because you simply weren’t your happiest, getting out of a relationship can be one of the most difficult things you’ll have to go through. Here’s how I’ve learned to heal and grow from broken relationships.
I’m allowed to cry.
No matter how long you and your partner were together, you’re going to feel as though your entire world has collapsed from around you. Sometimes your heart will grow unbelievably heavy. At other times, you’ll question whether you have the ocean trapped within your eyes—and that is okay. Release any tears you’re holding back and simply allow yourself to feel. It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to have these emotions—you’re human, after all.
Just because they don’t like me anymore doesn’t mean my self worth has lessened.
You’re allowed to be upset, but don’t allow this sadness to consume you for too long. Understand that just because your partner has decided to leave doesn’t mean your self worth has dwindled or declined; it simply means that your personalities no longer correspond with each other’s. Accepting that people change can be hard, and accepting that your former lover has changed can be even harder. The most important thing to remember is that you were just as wonderful while you were together as how you are now.
It is not wrong if they find someone else.
If you really love them as much as you think you do, you’ll allow them to be happy, even if that happiness no longer includes you. There will always be a possibility that your friend will call you up telling you that they saw your ex holding hands with someone else, and your first reaction will most likely be to act out in anger. Don’t. Understand that they’re allowed to be with someone else as much as you are, and tell yourself that it’s not okay to get in the way of two other people’s happiness. It doesn’t seem like it, but no matter how much you tell yourself you won’t find yourself someone like them, you will.
Who makes me happy?
Or what makes you happy? Surround yourself with people and things that inspire you. Don’t forget about your friends and family—sometimes platonic love can be much stronger than romantic love. Talk to them when you’re feeling down. Do whatever it is you love doing most, even try out new things and involve yourself in new experiences. You’ll be surprised by how much time you now have to be with different people and do the things you truly love.
It’s time to learn to love myself again.
Be kind. Be kind towards others, but also be kind to yourself. Take yourself out on a date. Splurge your money on that jacket you’ve always wanted to buy; light some candles and then fill the bath with warm water; even write a love letter to yourself. Know that it’s more than okay to appreciate your own body and mind, and know that there’s a difference between self love and egocentrism. Whenever you’re feeling upset, play your favorite music—preferably songs that makes you feel hopeful and optimistic, not glum and nostalgic—and dance as much as you can. You’ll be surprised how therapeutic it can be.
Most importantly, realize that although this may seem like the ending to your novel, a chapter has merely finished and the beginning of a new chapter is about to begin. Ultimately, when you decide to turn the page is your decision to make. We hope you do it soon.
Renata is a student in Australia who adores The 1975 and making dad jokes. She values individuality and compassion and strives to encourage others to enhance their internal beauty rather than their external beauty. Renata hopes to one day achieve her ambition of publishing her writing, but ultimately aspires to inspire.
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